EP:005 Couples & Money w/ Couples Financial Therapist and Coach Ashley Quamme

Talking about money can be difficult and isn't something that a lot of people like to do. When it comes to couples and money, the subject can get even tougher to address in a healthy way.

In fact, even as a CFP I have had a hard time talking about money with my wife over the years.

It has been challenging for us for a number of different reasons. But when you boil it down, the biggest reason is that neither of us really like to deal with the negative emotions associated with money. It's taken a lot of work for us to get to a better place and be able to have good, healthy, constructive conversations about our finances.

So why is it difficult for couples to talk about money?  Here are a handful of ideas that Ashley brings up in our conversation: 

• Culturally money can be a taboo subject, we don’t talk about a lot in our families and growing up. We learn lessons early on that "its just not polite to talk about money".
• We may have deeply rooted beliefs about money and finances, and we bring these beliefs into our relationships. Who we are as people, where we come from and the lessons we've learned along the way all impact how easy or not it will be to have conversations with our spouse or partner about money.
• Money brings with it a lot of emotions, sometimes negative emotions, and that can be difficult to deal with. As humans we just don't like dealing with things that make us feel bad. Money can be an emotional lightning rod!

Ashley explains that money can sometimes be a “content issue”.  It is what clients might be arguing about, but that’s just at surface level.  Like an iceberg, money can be the issue above the surface, but below it there can be all kinds of negative emotions and history that needs to be explored and dealt with.

So how do you do that?